Spare the rod, spoil the child

There are two things I want to touch on here. The first is actually a side point that I may expound upon later. The title phrase "Spare the rod, spoil the child" is one that many people "know" is in the Bible. When in fact, it is not. It is actually first found in a poem written by Samual Butler in 1664 entitled “Hudibras.”

However, with this phrase, the poet mirrors what is actually said in Proverbs 13:24 "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." This is in direct contradiction to what many believe today. Many believe that if you love your child, you will not punish them. And spanking a child is almost a criminal act. Proverbs goes on to say in Proverbs 19:18 "Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death." Death here can of course be both physical and spiritual. Spiritual death (eternal damnation) of course being the most important. Proverbs 22:15 says "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him." Proverbs 23:13 "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die." Two notes I want to make here. One) This is not condoning child abuse. The words here are punish and discipline. Two) The word "rod" is also translated loosely as "palm frond" What we would call a "switch" not a steel rod. Proverbs 29:15-17 says "(15) The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother. (16) When the wicked thrive, so does sin, but the righteous will see their downfall. (17) Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul."

It doesn't take a very wise man to see what the lack of care and discipline in the home has done to our society today. Love and discipline are both necessary. One without the other will ruin the child, and be the downfall of the parent.

Also many people today try to substitute something else for "the rod" or spanking. It is human nature that we learn quickly from pain. Many of us have seen an incident where a child is told something many, many times. For example a parent repeatedly tells their child "Don't touch that. It's hot." Only to later hear the child screaming in pain because they touched it. In most cases, the child will not ever again purposefully touch the object. This is obviously not because he or she was told repeatedly not to do so, but rather because it hurt when they did it. Furthermore the child learns to listen more to the adult about things being hot. This is because they learned from the pain. And when our discipline is painful it is much less likely that we will ever have to be punished for it again. An example from my own life; Once when I was young, my sister and I used crayons and scribbled all over the walls at my Grand-Mothers house. As punishment, she made us scrub those walls for what seemed an eternity, and we thought she was the meanest woman in the world. But a while later, we did the same thing at our own house. My father gave us three swats each with a belt. We never did it again. In fact we rarely gave our parents occasion to punish us at all.

I can also tell you about a friend. She had two boys, and she believed in spankings. The oldest was among the most well behaved children I have ever met. He was very nice to be around, and very polite. He was rarely punished, because he was such a good boy.

Tragically the youngest died in an accident. This, of course, traumatised the mother. As a result, she would never again punish her children beyond "yelling at them."

A few years later she had another son. Her first son was still a "little angel" all this time. It wasn't until the new child was about three or four years old that the oldest realised that his mother would not actually physically punish them anymore. In his mind, this seemed to free the child to do what he wanted.

Both have grown up now, and are in and out of jail.

Hebrews 12:6 "because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son." If God punishes those he loves, how can we call it wrong? Hebrews 12:11 says "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." The point of punishment should be two-fold. One is to teach the child not to do wrong, and the other is to not need to punish them in the future. And it benefits the one being punished perhaps even more than the one punishing.